Stuff My Cats Like

In the sincerest form of flattery I can muster at 9:45 a.m. I’m going to rip off two books I wish I wrote: Stuff White People Like and Sh*t My Dad Says. I’m still trying to think of a way to mash up these two and I clearly will need more time…and caffeine, because Stuff White People Sh*t really doesn’t sound that appealing. But I promise you it would sell well in Japan. They’re all about poo. I’ve been there. I saw the books and the charts (yes, there are charts). Almost bought the keychain but then thought better of it.

So instead, I’m going to write about Stuff My Cats Like. Today anyway. Mostly because living with cats isn’t just a choice, it’s a way of life. That’s deep thinking, people.

• Cats like running in circles around the house, scratching the hardwoods to get traction on the turns, and slamming into furniture. Even better at 4 a.m.
• Cats like eagerly inhaling their food in the morning and then barfing it up just 5 minutes later from the windowsill next to your desk.
• Cats like waking you up in the morning by practicing their pole-vault sprints across your chest and then touching your face when you don’t react.
• Cats like waiting until you’re wearing something black and about to leave the house to come show you how much they appreciate your devotion by rubbing their fur all over your legs.